The present moment is the only moment that is real
This is called mindfulness and gratefulness. That life as it is right now is the most blessed thing I could have. That me in this moment, is a gift and I have lots to offer the world, because my experience is unique. This came through some of the worst pain in my life. Both physically and emotionally.
Stress is a given in this fast-paced world. I’ve always had stress, and have probably played more on me than is necessary. But honestly, it never really bothered me because I was moving forward ( or at least I had the illusion I was.) Inside, was really a ball of emotion that I never slowed down long enough to experience and process the waves that washed over within me.
Until one day, when my world came crashing down. I sustained a back injury at work. Then a car accident. A serious illness. The crashing waves turned into a messy whirlpool i could not see through. Unable to do any of the thing sI felt defined me, even the most simple, everyday tasks like groceries and dressing myself were excrutatiting painful. I felt like everything I had and who I was, was taken away. Notice I say I “felt” because I later learned that it was truly just a perception.
Probably the most painful part of all, though was being alone with myself and not sure what to do, “feeling” like I was stuck and unable to move. Literally, day in and day out unable to get away from the deep soul longings I had been running from my entire life. I was scared of how I felt, who I was, and what I wanted to be. The reasons why don’t matter. Just that this pattern I had set up for myself, was not serving me well. And my future self, deserved better.
After much anger and frustration and inability to move forward, I realized I just had to start being in the present. The best way to be mindful is to be grateful. Trust me, some days were really hard to find something to be thankful for. But over time, this habit becomes easire. And one day, I realized some of my angst, had turned to joy. Its a habit that I have to practice. Gratefulness pulls us back into what is here. What is now. And it starts with being grateful for and embracing your own personhood.
How can I be with myself? This I asked over and over. How can I be okay with One day I realized I had to stop running. I had to face those fears deep down that said I wasn’t worthy. I hd to learn to say I am ok. In this moment, I am who I need to be. I am learning to accept, without judgement all my emotions. They’re a blessing really, because they can guide us. Lead us in a direction or can be a signal of some deeper soul stirring. Theres no bad or good in emotion. Just what is.
Being real and authentic and self compassionate takes persistency and intentional hard work. I battle the urges to turtle and tuck inside myself instead of sharing the rawness of my soul. But when I do open and share, it connects. It is empowering and it creates beauty in otherwise dark places.
Then present moment is the only moment that is real.